if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
where does the pee come out of this thing
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
