Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
