I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
