called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
