They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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