speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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