i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
