I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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