i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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