My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
