easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Randomize
