Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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