Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
