mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
