Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
