White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
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