someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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