the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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