I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
