one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
The cops high fived after they tackled you
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
