I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
