They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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