on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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