I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
only if we run a train.
done.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
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Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
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