I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
