I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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