he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
should my penis look like a turkey
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
