You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize
