you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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