I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
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I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
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Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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