i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
