Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
