Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
