i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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