I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
