Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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