Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
