At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
you traded sex for a burrito?
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
