Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
