OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
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