i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
