why didn't you poke me back
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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