How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
