So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
