I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
