Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
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