how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Randomize
