Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
