Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Randomize
