my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
