I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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