Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
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And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
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When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
There are leaves in my underwear?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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