OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
