nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
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..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
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You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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