Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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