some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
