the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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