Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
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