You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Randomize
