I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Randomize
