What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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