do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
