Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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