Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Randomize
