He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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