All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
