O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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