the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
