Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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