hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
